Minding your Own Business

A tool that I have found useful is deciding who's business I'm in. I originally got this idea from Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is". There are three categories (although you could create more if you wanted to).


My Business, Their Business, and Universe's Business.

They can also be called different names to suit your own tastes/beliefs. Essentially, My Business is all matters that I can actually do something about, that relate directly to me, and it is up to me to make changes. Their Business is matters that belong to someone else, your friend, your parents, your teachers, your siblings, etc. This includes any opinions they have about you. Finally, there is the Universe's Business which consists of all matters that are beyond anyone single person's control.

The table above includes some personal examples. More and more I realise that I can only work on my own responses. I would like to be able to change how some of my friends, associates and family respond and deal with our son's death. I'd like to make some of them better listeners, more open to talking about death, stop them from giving ill advice or making minimising comments. However, I'm trying to control something that is not in my control. I just end up feeling sad, angry and frustrated.

However, I do have personal choices. I can choose to spend less time with some and more time with others. I can share how I feel with others, and I might find out that they didn't realise their impact. I can decide to let those feelings go, and might use EFT to help me with this.

Our focus is best put on how we respond and not on trying to manipulate or control others and life. Easier said than done, I must admit, but I'm finding it really worthwhile. When I have a concern, I simply ask "Is this My Business?". If it is, it means I can respond. If not, then I can let it go. If I have trouble letting it go, I can tap on not being able to let go, and accept myself for that.

Julie